Amy's Old Friends
by TechnoFusion
Summary: It'd been a while since Amy had seen her old friends from college, Trip and Grace. However, the second she entered their apartment, she remembered why she had been avoiding their company for so long.
1. First Visit

_"Where are the new wine glasses?"_

 _"What for?"_

 _"That should be obvious!"_

 _"Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!"_

* * *

The average-height, kinda-crazy redhead known as Amy knocked on the door to her old friends' Trip and Grace's apartment. It'd been a long while since they talked, and now Amy remembered why.

She had no idea why the two were still together. It's not like they had kids to think about, and they were always fighting. You'd think the two would just give it up and file for divor-

 _"Amy!"_

Amy's thought process was cut off by Trip's excited greeting to her. She always thought he had a bit of a crush on her back in college, but Amy...well, she didn't swing that way. She'd had an unfortunate fling in college she barely remembered, but it must've been a guy, because it got her with a bun in the oven. Long story short, her mom's babysitting little Tabitha tonight.

On the topic of the couple, if she was going to pick one of them, it'd be Grace, though the few times she tried to make a move on her in the past weren't well-appreciated.

"Hello, sinner." Amy replied to Trip. "Do you have a few moments to talk about why you're going to hell?"

Trip froze.

"I, uh, it was a joke." Amy said, realizing Trip was a bit freaked out. "Y'know...Jehovah's Witnesses...I thought you'd get it..."

"Anyways, it's so great to see you!" Trip continued on, acting like Amy had never made the situation awkward. Amy was upset at herself for making things awkward, and more upset that Trip still seemed to lack a sense of humor. "You know, we just got back from Italy!"

 _Rub it in, why don't you?,_ Amy thought to herself. _Damn childfree couples can go to Italy, while a single mom like me struggles to afford a box of Hot Pockets-_

Amy cut her own negative thoughts off. Now wasn't the time for that. She was here to have a good time. That wouldn't be a problem, as long as Trip and Grace got along.

"No, no, here we are!" Grace said, entering the room.

 _That was weird. Like, 'here we are'? It's not like I came in and no one was here. Trip answered the door..._

"Hi! How are you? Oh, God, it's been such a long time!" Grace exclaimed, sharing a friendly kiss with Amy. "Come on in, make yourself at home!"

"Amy, let me get you a drink." Trip stated, clearly feeling a little left out. Finally, something Amy could get behind. She'd likely need a drink or two if Trip and Grace started fighting.

However, Trip's trip (hehe) to make Amy a drink was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing.

"Oh, I'll get it-" Grace started.

"No, no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it." Trip stated, cutting off Grace.

Grace started to became agitated. Uh oh, here we go. "Trip, no, I want -"

"Grace, come on, don't be rude." Trip insisted, holding his hand up to say that he wouldn't have anymore of the conversation. Amy couldn't believe Trip thought Grace was being rude... "It's probably one of your art gallery friends, it seems like they're always calling you."

Grace let out a frustrated sigh as the answering machine started.

 _"You're reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!"_

 ** _*beep*_**

 _"Travis, are you there?"_ A female voice asked on the answering machine. _"It's your mother. I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while."_

"Ah, Trip's parents!" Grace exclaimed, her mood suddenly brightened hearing his mom's voice. "You've never met them, have you, Amy? They're sweet people, really down to earth -"

"Uhh, no, they're ignorant." Trip interrupted. "They don't know 'black tie only' from...black bean chili."

 **"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Amy rather obnoxiously laughed, letting out an involuntary snort as she did so. " **BLACK BEAN CHILI, THAT'S A GOOD ONE, TRIP!"**

Trip and Grace stared at Amy, bewildered at her outburst.

"Aha...did you guys...was that not supposed to be as funny as it was?" Amy asked. "I'll, uh, shut up now..."

Ugh. She'd made things awkward _again_. Now she was especially remembering why she hadn't hung out with Trip and Grace in such a long time.

"Anyways, let's not talk about my parents. Heard enough about them tonight." Trip said, trying to change the subject as fast as possible. "Whoa, I just realized something!"

"What?" Grace asked.

"Oh, tonight's a special night! A celebration in fact!"

"It is?"

"Amy, remember, it was almost ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us! Senior year of college!"

"Oh, yeah, I remember." Amy replied. "Regretted it every day of my life since."

"Uh..." Trip suddenly stammered. "You're...you're funny, Amy. It's good to see you again."

Grace sighed. "Oh, God, Amy, this isn't much fun for you, is it?"

"What?" Trip questioned.

"Trip, have you noticed? We're fighting in front of our friend."

"Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful..."

"Oh, no, you're not a problem." Amy insisted, trying her best to keep the night positive. Grace froze.

"Wait..." Grace started. "You think I'm...not a problem..."

"Uh...that was a positive statement, Grace. Ever heard of a compliment?"

"Amy, I - I want you to look at this photo from our recent trip to Italy." Trip said, gesturing towards his picture and trying to escape an awkward moment.

Grace sighed. "Trip, maybe our friend would prefer-"

"Grace, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean our friend won't..."

Grace put her hand up in the same way Trip did to her earlier in the night. _Owned!_ "Amy, come over and sit on the couch with me."

 _"Grace!"_ Trip exclaimed angrily.

Uh oh. Trip wasn't fun when he was angry. Amy decided to make the smart choice and sit on the couch with Grace. She didn't wanna hear Trip gloat about Italy anyways.

"Trip, you see, your fetish for all things European is making our friend very uncomfortable!" Grace scolded, before suddenly standing up and getting a very angry tone in her voice. "Ugh, you are impossible! I'm never happy..."

"Grace, I'm worried about you." Amy interrupted. "You keep having these weird mood swings. Are you on drugs?"

Grace shot Amy a dirty look.

"Or maybe the problem is that you're _not_ on drugs." Amy continued. "Maybe this night would be a lot better if we all did some drugs. I know a guy who can-"

"Look, you're going to really make it bad if you keep criticizing me!" Grace angrily interrupted.

"Who was...criticizing you?" Amy asked. "I swear, sometimes I think you guys are A.I.'s or something..."

Both Trip and Grace were so flustered neither of them were even listening to Amy, and both sounded like they were speaking in tongues. The only thing Amy could make out was a muttering of " _Romance...goddamn..."_ from Grace.

 **"Have you both lost your minds?!"** Amy shouted, getting sick of all of this.

"Amy, are you trying to say we've got problems?" Grace asked. "Or that I've got problems?"

"Problems doesn't even begin to cover it! You've lost your marbles, hon."

"Alright, you know what? Amy, I need to ask you something."

"Grace-" Trip began to interrupt.

" _ **Trip,"**_ Grace uttered fiercely, "let me ask our guest a question. Amy, yes or no..."

"Nope." Amy said.

"Amy...you're really testing me, you know that? Let me finish the question. Amy-"

"Nope."

"Oh, for f-" Grace started, before Trip decided it was time for an outburst of his own.

"Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be! Who - who I am! This is who I am now! God damn it!" Trip shouted, running into the other room.

"Oh, I can't believe this!" Grace shouted back to him. "Yeah, good, go away! I can't stand you!"

"You know..." Amy started, with a suggestive smirk on her face. "Not saying that I watch a lot of porn, but I've uh, examined a lot of porn which starts out like this. The straight girl gets into a fight with her boyfriend, the lesbian comes over to comfort her, one thing leads to another and-"

"Amy, I can't - just stop it." Grace replied, cutting Grace off and crushing her fantasy.

"Amy, from what you said, about marriage...I think that shows us something about Grace." Trip stated, reentering the room.

"Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?" Grace yelled at Trip.

"Keep your voice down, yelling hasn't gotten us anywhere." Trip ordered. "Amy, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied."

"Trip, that's not true." Grace argued. "Look at my parents. If money bought happiness, they wouldn't hate themselves like they do."

"Both of you need therapy." Amy stated boldly, folding her arms.

"Ah!" Trip exclaimed.

"Amy, you think we should...see a therapist?" Grace asked.

"No, I think you should go to Chuck E. Cheese's for your next honeymoon." Amy sarcastically replied. "No shit I think you guys should see a therapist."

"Grace, maybe a therapist could help us figure out why we're always fighting." Trip said, trying to at least humor the suggestion.

"I don't know, I mean, therapy..." Grace started, before trailing off to the next random subject that popped up in her brain. "I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them."

"Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots."

"No, it's true..."

"No, let's - let's focus on us, our relationship. You know what makes me so angry?"

"Those claw machines you can never win?" Amy suggested. "I know, man. All I ever wanted was a Pikachu plush. I wasted so many coins..."

"Amy, now's not the time for..." Trip started, before letting out a deep sigh. "What makes me really angry is how Grace has so conveniently forgotten how much time and effort I put into making this apartment beautiful for her. Because I _love_ her."

"Oh, yeah, all this stuff makes us _so_ happy." Grace stated sarcastically. "We're just rays of sunshines, aren't we, Trip?"

"Jesus, what do you want?! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off? Amy, isn't this ridiculous?"

"Huh?" Amy asked, suddenly snapping back to reality. "I was fantasizing about the Pikachu plush I never got. We were gonna have good times together. Hmm, I wonder if you can get one on eBay..."

Trip sighed. "Well, I mean, Grace, what do you want?"

"Nothing! I want nothing!" Grace shouted.

Trip turned towards Amy. "Heh, you know what the worst is? When I come home from a business trip..."

 **"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Amy bursted out laughing, snorting multiple times as she cracked up. " **TRIP! BUSINESS TRIP! IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S YOUR NAME!"**

 _"She's hopeless."_ Grace muttered to Trip. "Anyways, let's keep our focus on Trip. Amy, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage -"

"Stop it, stop it!" Trip shouted, putting his hands over his ears like a little kid.

"Admits that our marriage is not -"

" _Stop!"_

"You know, I have a massive divorce fetish." Amy stated, with a smirk on her face. Both Trip and Grace gave her a bewildered look.

"Divorce? Don't talk about divorce!" Trip snapped. "Can't you see how harmful it is to even bring that up right now?!"

"Geez, Trip, you sure know how to kill a lady boner." Amy muttered in response. "I was just saying..."

"Okay, look, let's talk about things that will help us here, okay? Thank you."

"Yes," Grace started, "like talking about _Trip_ , which I've been trying to do for the past twenty minutes!"

"Amy, you think I caused all of this, don't you?" Trip asked, turning towards Amy with a pained look on his face, and _again_ dodging the conversation Grace had been trying to have. "You're saying I caused all of this? What, I screwed up somewhere along the line?"

"Jesus, I haven't said anything like that." Amy said with a frustrated tone to her voice. "And if you'd let Grace talk, maybe I could decide how I feel about -"

"Holy shit, you think I'm to blame for all this!" Trip exclaimed, getting tears in his eyes.

"What? What the hell?! When did I say anything like that?"

"Oh, this is too much, I can't take this..."

Trip began sniffling and whimpering, turning his face away from Grace and Amy.

"Are you...crying?" Amy asked. "Oh my god, you're _crying_! You're causing unnecessary drama and avoiding the conversation which _needs_ to happen by crying like a little bitch! Grow a pair of balls!"

The room went silent. Trip looked up at Amy, wiped his tears, and got a very stern expression on his face.

"You know what, Amy?" Trip started. "That's it, you need to leave."

Before Amy could even fully process what was going on, Trip began escorting her towards the door.

 _ **"What?!"**_ Amy shouted. "Hey, get your hands off me!"

"I'm sorry, but I just don't know what the deal is with you tonight."

Trip gave Amy a shove out the door.

"We'll be fine." Trip insisted, keeping the same firm tone in his voice. "You just have to go."

 _Slam._

 ** _"Fuck you!"_** Amy shouted, pounding on the door. "We were finally getting somewhere and you just...you just..."

Amy lost her train of thought, so decided to leave with an insult.

 _"Yeah, you'd best remember those couple seconds you got your hands on me fondly! Bet you haven't touched a woman in **quite** a while, huh?"_

Amy walked away from the apartment and went down the elevator, mumbling expletives as she did so.


	2. Cheesecake

_"Where are the new wine glasses?"_

 _"What for?"_

 _"That should be obvious!"_

 _"Oh God, Trip-"_

* * *

 **"YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE."** Amy yelled from the other side of the door, pounding on it loudly.

Trip opened the door, smiling as if nothing had happened between them last time. "Amy! Hi, it's so good to see you!"

Amy gave Trip a cold look. "Is it now?"

"Well, um..."

Trip coughed and continued talking. "Whoops, I need to close the door."

"Um...Grace promised me cheesecake." Amy stated. "But I don't see any cheesecake. Is Grace baking it in the kitchen?"

"No, no, here we are!" Grace said, walking out of the kitchen _without_ a cheesecake in her hands. "Amy! Hi! How are you?"

"Where is my cheesecake?" Amy questioned.

"Umm..." Grace started, giving her a big, fake smile. "Well, come in, make yourself at home!"

That was a big fat sign there was no cheesecake.

"Tell me there's cheesecake." Amy moaned, lying down on the couch. "Tell me you did not drag me into this hellhole again for nothing."

"So, Amy, I want to ask you," Grace started, hoping her friend would get over it if she just ignored her, "I tried to find a certain kind of style for the decorations in this room, y'know? And I just think -"

"Wait, is it pie?" Amy interrupted, sitting up with her smile returning. "You guys made me pie, didn't you? How nice!"

Trip sighed. "Grace, no one has a problem with your decorating. It's fine!"

"Well, I plan to return most of this anyhow." Grace stated. "I didn't want my decorating to become a major topic of conversation tonight. I'm going to get it redone this week, so..."

"So!" Trip finished for Grace in an eager tone. "Drinks!"

" _So! Cheesecake!_ " Amy angrily mimicked under her breath.

"I've got the perfect bottle of cabernet I've been saving for such an occasion." Trip stated.

"No, no. Amy, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?" Grace asked.

Amy angrily glared at Grace. "If I can't have dessert, I want alcohol."

"Okay! Awesome!" Trip exclaimed, walking over to his 'bar' of sorts. "I'll just whip up these bad boys real quick!"

Grace sighed. "Sometimes I'm afraid Trip thinks the best way to a friend's heart is through his liver."

"Grace, what can I get for you to drink tonight?" Trip asked. "Surprise me."

"I don't feel like drinking tonight. Nothing for me."

How could someone live with Trip _or_ Grace and not feel like drinking?

"Nothing?" Trip questioned, frowning. "That's - that's fine, I guess..."

Trip handed Amy her drink, which she happily drank to numb the pain she knew she'd be going through tonight.

"Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend -" Grace started.

"We're _not_ disagreeing." Trip replied, cutting off Grace. "We're not. Oh, Amy, I thought you might like this photo I took in Italy."

"Are you kidding me?" Amy questioned. "Didn't you try to do this last time? If I didn't want to see it last time, I sure as hell don't want to see it now. I heard Italy has good cheesecake, though."

"Well, I, uh..." Trip started. "The Italy trip, it was just so Grace and I could spend some time together!"

Grace sighed. "Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, 'thaw me out' a little bit?"

"Ahh, this is _bullshit_!"

"No, you're full of shit!"

Amy chuckled. "That escalated quickly."

Grace shot Amy a dirty look.

"What was that?" Amy questioned. "Don't be rude."

"Look, at this point, criticizing me is just going to make it really, really bad!" Grace exclaimed.

"I wasn't even criticizing you, I was criticizing the bitchy look you just gave me."

"Trip, our whole marriage, you're so...controlling!" Grace stated.

"You know what's really controlling?" Amy questioned. "Promising someone _cheesecake_ to seduce them into your apartment, and then not having said cheesecake! Or even so much as a pie!"

Trip began to stutter and say something about marriage or whatever, but Amy was having none of it.

"Both of you have always been kinda jerks, but this is a new level!" Amy shouted, running towards the kitchen. "You know what, screw you guys, I'll make the cheesecake myself."

"Amy!" Trip exclaimed, following Amy to the kitchen.

"Let's see...eggs, cream cheese, sugar, graham crackers..." Amy started, rustling through the fridge and the pantry of Trip and Grace. Suddenly, Trip grabbed her behind and began to wrestle her away from the kitchen.

"You know what? I think you should leave." Trip ordered, dragging Amy away from the kitchen kicking and screaming towards the front door. "There's only so much you can expect to put up with, you know?"

 ** _"Get your hands off me! Your wife's a cheesecake-lying, cheating, failure-of-an-artist whore! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of-"_**

Before she could finish her insult, the door slammed right in Amy's face, causing her to yelp in pain. "Mother-"

Blood began to drip out of Amy's nose. The world started to fade away from her as the pain in her head got sharper. The last thing she heard was Trip talking to Grace.

"You really should have made her a cheesecake." Trip stated.

Everything went black.


End file.
